What That E Is For

One of the symbols of nationhood is a currency. For this reason it is given a name which represents that country to the world in the same way a flag and embassy do. The Bulgarian currency is called the Lev because the word means "Lion" which is a symbol of strength and majesty. The American currency is the Dollar because that is the American spelling of "dolour" which is an accurate description of the condition of wealthy American tourists who seem incapable of openly enjoying their travels. The independent Portuguese currency was the Escudo because Portuguese think their country is both precious and stylish. The currency betokens the fact that when asked to describe Portugal inhabitants are supposed to say "es cute, no?"

It is therefore a wonder why the British currency is called Sterling. This word seems to have no other meaning and bear no relation to anything. What is this word supposed to convey to everyone else about the nature of the United Kingdom?

The term "Sterling" was first coined after the Battle of Flodden between England and Scotland on 9th September 1513. As was usual in those days the victorious English armies went round looting the bodies of defeated soldiers for any valuables they could find. As a great number of Scottish nobles were slain there were rich pickings for the English soldiers who found large quantities of Scottish coins on the persons of the nobles. Obviously being Scots they would not put it in banks and therefore pay interest. The capital of Scotland at the time was Stirling and these unfamiliar coins became known as "Sterling currency". The substitution of an e for an i in the name of Stirling was not simply a variant spelling but a wilful anglicisation of the name to demonstrate that the capital and its products would henceforth be under English control. This Sterling currency had no value in England because exchange rates had not been invented but it was a status symbol for an Englishmen to be in possession of it. It demonstrated that he had fought at Flodden or knew someone who had and therefore rescued England from eternal reliance on porridge even if only for three hundred and fifty years or so.

Previously the English currency was known as the Pound. This was a reference to the way it was made by bashing it repeatedly into its die marks. Using the term symbolised the fact that the English saw themelves as a hard working and powerful people who created wealth with the labour of their hands rather than barter and trickery. The British currency is still popularly known as the Pound but it is clearly stated on the notes that is the Pound "Sterling". This signifies that the subjugation of Scotland was regarded as the just product of the labour and innate quality of Englishmen. This need to claim identity through imperialism has been the staple of British international relations for centuries and is the cause of many of the problems of readjustment we have today.

At first this Sterling currency was just as valueless elsewhere as it was in England. If you were a Scot you could use it to pay for the colours imported into your wet and miserable landscape and you could accept it as payment for your exports of live haggis and distilled bagpipe spit. If you were English no one would accept it from your hands as no prices were calculated in it. It was the Tsar of Russia who finally gave Sterling coins a value in England. He famously declared war on Scotland and England separately and then signed separate peace treaties with both countries with the result that the transferred Berwick-upon-Tweed remained officially at war with Russia. Understanding the joke local traders offered him Sterling coins with which to hire local guides who could show his armies how to conquer the town. Not wishing to admit his embarrassment the Tsar accepted the payment although he soon forgot about Berwick. With such a powerful ruler accepting Sterling the others could not avoid accepting it too and the Pound Sterling thus replaced the ordinary Pound as the English medium of international trade.

In time people forgot that Scotland had ever had its own coins and the pound Sterling was regarded as an English invention imposed on them after the union of crowns. It is fair to say that international confidence in Sterling was always high as its message of tough people absorbing the cultures of others was one which went down well in the age of great Empires. Indeed it was not seriously threatened until the Welsh infiltrated the British Treasury department. Welshmen were not often allowed to be Chancellor of the Exchequer but neutered ones were given government jobs as people who cannot find any other work often are. A few found their way into the Treasury and bought their families over. Soon there was a veritable colony of Welshmen living there. No one bothered overmuch. Few realised then that this represented the greatest threat to Sterling since its invention over four hundred years earlier.

Once the British budget was top secret. As late as the 1950s the Chancellor was sacked if he revealed any details of it to anyone. Then in the 1960s a profound change occurred. Finance experts would appear on TV giving details of what they thought would be in the budget and commenting on them. Their predictions often turned out to be disturbingly accurate. Of course they were. The finance experts had been receiving the first of the now common Budget Leeks. The Welsh had never had a currency of their own. Now they were undermining the British one by replacing it with specially printed leeks which conveyed the true value of everything the Chancellor was trying to tell us was worth more. This alerted a few Scots to the origin of the British currency itself. Immediately the Royal Bank of Scotland claimed to be the rightful owner of all Sterling anywhere. The British government which had allowed Gallic placenames to be reintroduced and Scottish symbols to be put on pound coins could not argue. In 2004 the Royal Bank of Scotland was made the legitimate owner of all Sterling on the condition that it used its threat of porridge to ensure that the U.K. never adopted the Euro. If all European nations were equal the currency would never survive. How could it defend itself against the Bulgarian lion or avoid being overstamped by the French Franc?

The currency is still called Sterling. It represents the United Kingdom's shame at its imperial past and the subsequent capitulation of the English to its absorbed partners. Is this really such a bad image? It is after all legal, decent, honest and truthful. It demonstrates that we cannot compete with our neighbours. But as the martial artists of the East have so often demonstrated only through purity and humility can any victory be ultimately achieved.