Grunting Through Sadness

Celebrities always believe that the country they live in builds people up only to knock them down again. There is some truth in this. Nevertheless we all shed a tear when a once successful person falls on hard times in a quite spectacular way.

The recent report of the suicide of a popular 1960's entertainer after years of psychiatric problems is a cause of great sadness in all those who remember his prime. The revelation of his partner's continued struggle with long term drug dependency has simply compounded the distress and misery of their legions of former fans.

Pinky and Perky arrived in the U.K. in 1948 as refugees from Communist Czechoslovakia. Their real names were Milan Pincek and August Percek. As they are small latex pigs they were mercilessly bullied at various schools in Yorkshire and left with few qualifications. Their obvious career path of joining the police force was barred to them on the grounds of height and the fact that they could only squeak rather than talk. After a few years of drifting they found occasional employment providing sound effects for television programmes. They were cheaper than human actors and found the range of noises they had to produce a lot less humiliating.

Their big break came in 1957 when Bill and Ben The Flowerpot Men left their own show and moved into production. Having pioneered the use of silly voices on TV they had political reasons for wanting to build a show around other vocally challenged performers. As we all know they recruited the two pigs to front a music show with human sidekick Jimmy Thompson and a cast of other latex animals lip synching popular hits of the day. Pinky and Perky ran for over thirteen years and made the former refugees household names around the world.

Of course Pinky and Perky enjoyed the trappings of fame. Though rumoured not to get along offstage they bought neighbouring Scottish castles and turned their moats into golden troughs. Pinky was seen squiring glamorous sheep around fashionable London clubs whilst Perky was frequently photographed driving the fastest top of the range cattle trucks. They were also regulars on the chat show circuit where their defensive arrogance as well as their unusual voices began to irritate as well as charm. Few could forget the Face to Faces programme of 1964 where the immaculate interviewer John Freeman first used the word "swines" on national TV.

By 1970 their star had waned. Though still achieving respectable viewing figures their show was not the height of cool it had once been. Singers who had previously begged for their songs to be covered on the show began to regret being associated with it. In 1971 Joe Brown brought the Old Bailey case in which he claimed that recruiting an Old English Sheepdog to lip synch his hit "Egg and Chips" was a breach of his image rights. Brown famously won the case by singing in court from behind a curtain to demonstrate this was the only way to tell the difference between the two. After this the press vultures moved in and soon salacious tales began to appear about the pigs "going the whole hog" in seedy Soho establishments. By 1972 the show had been cancelled. Their once glittering careers were over.

Pinky and Perky were incapable of receding from the limelight with dignity. A well paid series of commercials for Danish Bacon was hastily pulled when butchers started running after them with knives. A nationwide tour backed by Led Zeppelin and The Wurzels failed to excite the crowds. Soon Pinky began to believe that everyone who looked at him was mocking him. After several brushes with the police he was finally jailed for assaulting the agriculture minister outside parliament. Pentonville transferred him to Broadmoor. In the grip of raging paranoia and alcoholism he was a continual danger to himself and others. After several previous attempts he finally killed himself last week by watching an episode of the new Dr. Who series. He was 67.

In a rare interview after the event Perky spoke of his long battle with drugs. He began eating hardcore silage in 1976 in order to give him the confidence to go to the shops as an ordinary person. His rapid slide into dependency cost him three marriages and what remained of his showbiz wealth. He now lives on disability benefits in a small council flat in a rough area of Leeds and rarely leaves the house unless it is to visit dealers. He did not speak to Pinky for the last twenty five years of his life. It is only a matter of time before Perky too is flushed down the drain of history.

Is society to blame? Are we wrong to invest our dreams in others? Or is fame itself the corroder of all inner strength and dignity? We all dream of fame and glory. The fate of Pinky and Perky should demonstrate to us all what could happen to those who trade on being latex in a human world.