The Vegetable Pig Scandal

Yes you read right. It is one of the most sinister pieces of manipulation to occur in our time. Nonsense? Read on.

We are all familiar with sausages. They always used to be made of pork but there are now beef, lamb and several other varieties. Most things in life have gone this way. We are used to diversity nowadays so we expect the diversification of things which once had one standard form. It does not matter what sort of sausages are made available or what is called a sausage as long as it appears to conform to the pattern of diversity we have embraced at the urging of manufacturers and stockists.

Freely available nowadays are something called vegetarian sausages. Clearly these are not made from vegetarians. They purport to be combinations of vegetables, herbs and spices. No meat. There is one problem. Take a look at the European Community or U.S. food regulations which are binding in all the countries which produce these sausages. They state clearly that nothing can be called a sausage unless it contains a certain amount of animal content. Animal vegetables? Of course. Somewhere in the world there are vegetable pigs wandering around being slaughtered to produce sausages. Think about it. The Jewish and Moslem communities in particular have long sought a version of that animal their religion does not declare unclean. A project to create vegetable pigs would easily obtain the funding it needs from these sources. We ought to be celebrating this great biotechnological advance and promoting these vegetable pig farms as tourist attractions. Indeed it is a wonder no one has thought of this before. Or maybe they have. Maybe they have thought of much more than we wish to believe.

No one has ever announced the creation of the vegetable pig. It is therefore being surreptitiously introduced into our diet. There is a reason for this. Despite the end of the Cold War we still live under threat of imminent destruction from the vast nuclear arsenal governments spent millions developing. The weapons are still there and governments need to justify their existence and the sums spent on them. In the event of a nuclear war plants rather than animals are better equipped to survive. If a nuclear war took place the few people left alive would have nothing to eat but vegetables. The closest remaining thing to our previous staple diet would be vegetable animals. Governments are getting us used to vegetable pigs now so we can eat them more in the future. The great powers are planning armageddon under our very noses.

Why go about it this way? There are sneakier ways of introducing vegetable animals into our diet. One simple reason. The European Community and any other political alliance is held together by regulations. Remove the regulations and there would not be common ground between member states on any issue. The only thing the members of a political alliance have in common is adherence to the regulations of their alliance. The more they are seen to be adhering to these the more influence they have on the rest of the alliance. Producing things called 'vegetable sausages' from vegetable pigs is a way of demonstrating that you are adhering to these regulations more than other nations. If there is going to be a nuclear war you want your country to be better placed than others to decide when to press the button and who will die as a result. Vegetable sausage producing countries battle for supremacy through their red tape. Those who want to wrap all politicians in red tape and throw them off a cliff fail to realise that they are already wrapping themselves in red tape in order to throw the rest of us off the same cliff.

What can be done? Boycotting vegetable sausages will achieve nothing as more surreptitious methods will then be used to subvert our peace and freedom. All we can do is wait. No politician wants to take responsibility for something which will lose them votes. Would you vote for people who want to destroy you? Sooner or later the politicians will create their absolution. If people can create vegetable pigs they can also make them talk. If the scandal is exposed politicians will be able to find a fall pig who will claim responsibility for the whole thing. The fall pig will claim that the pigs created themselves and the nuclear plot was their idea. Ridiculous? Thomas Edison was always claiming to have invented things he did not invent. Every single one of these inventions was then used in a destructive war by the same government which sheltered him. If a rational human can be bought off in this way how can we hope for a pig to swim against the tide?

Next time you see a vegetable sausage think of the death and destruction that will follow from their existence. Will you be one of the fortunate few? Of course if you handed all power in the world to the Jewish and Moslem communities there would no longer be any point in concealing the existence of the vegetable pigs as these communities would be too busy imposing their power through them to destroy their world. Give up power and live? Retain power and die? The scandal has only got as far as it has because that is a question nobody wants to face.