The Exception That Was Borne By The Rule

Many English phrases have specific historical origins. The phrase "going bare headed" originated in a battle at which the bald Marquis of Granby led a charge after his hat blew off. This particular phrase may not have had a significant impact on the world around it. But others certainly have.

Buried in a graveyard in a secret location in Buckinghamshire called Denham is Mr. Josiah Ramjamite. His grave is no longer marked as his family removed the headstone long ago. Mr. Ramjamite was a physical deviant subject to much mockery. But he was a deviant for a reason. It is a pity that he is no longer remembered due to the contemporary unacceptability of the cause he both embodied and destroyed.

Mr. Ramjamite was born in 1767. Around forty years before a famous legal ruling had been made. This stated that a man was entitled to beat his wife with a stick provided the stick was no thicker than a man's thumb. This ruling was the origin of the phrase "rule of thumb". As the use of the phrase implies this was a somewhat fluid measure. Which particular man and which one of his thumbs? The question so vexed the owners of both wives and sticks that parish commissioners around the country soon appointed measuring officers. Various laws about the duty payable on the size and weight of goods fell into abeyance. Anyone who could measure now set about finding the men with the largest thumbs in order to find the optimum thickness of a wife-beating stick.

Men with thick thumbs were reported far and wide and became famous. The Earl of Sandwich began promoting contests to find the thickest male thumbs in the country. All the famous thick thumbed men descended on Gatton near Reigate to be publicly measured by official callibrators provided by The Royal Society. Some went home in disgrace as their claims were discredited. But one man kept winnning year after year. Mr. Benjamin Ramjamite of Downham Market in Norfolk had thumbs measuring an incredible 6 3/4 inches in diameter. With these mighty digits he annually conquered all comers. He was presented at court and "Benny Sticks" of 6 3/4 inch diameter were soon manufactured and solemnly bestowed on every man at the end of their wedding ceremony. As such a celebrity and darling of the dominant population he could not remain in Downham Market for long. Benjamin Ramjamite was removed to Ealing where he worked as a market gardener and put on shows demonstrating the dexterity of his famous thumbs. He amassed considerable wealth and owned most of Boston Manor Park at one time before trading it in for a Reverberatory Furnace in a failed attempt to introduce iron Benny Sticks under his own copyright.

Benjamin was 38 when fame arrived. His wife who was two years older than him did not long survive the move to Middlesex being killed by pollution whilst darning the lilies in the garden. In search of a new wife he happened upon a lady who frequently came to his shows. She also had large thumbs and came to the show to make herself feel better about it. Recognising the sadness at the heart of Benjamin she was delighted to accept his proposal. But Benjamin did not marry her for her heart alone. He saw that the only way to carry on the family business was to produce children with equally big thumbs. He disinherited his four existing boys who had his first wife's slender hands and set about producing an equally ham-handed heir. The first two children were girls but the third was the equally famous Obadiah. He in turn married a large handed woman who bore six children. The eldest had the same 7 1/2 inch thumbs as Obadiah. The youngest was Josiah whose thumbs measured a whopping 10 inches. He was the first "perfect ten". Like his father and grandfather he was destined for both gardening and showbusiness and continuation of the family name.

Josiah had always been on stage as his thumbs were larger than those of any child of his age in the audience. He had also helped out in the gardens. Soon however people came to him not to marvel but to laugh. Thumbs of 10 inches were good for nothing. He could just about move them but not do anything else with them. He could not give the shows his forebears had given and became nothing more than a freak sideshow. He kept going at this because his hands were useless for gardening and he knew nothing else. Nevertheless his heart groaned whenever he took the stage. He married a woman who he thought had means only to discover she was a con artist who wanted to exploit him and sell her quack remedies at the same shows. His garden managers occupied the premises until he sold it to them and they turned it into a cricket ground and pleasure park. The men who had lionised his father and grandfather turned against him when the Rule of Thumb Law was repealed due to the excessive size of the sticks now being manufactured. He was held responsible for removing their rights. Eventually his two surviving children turned against the freak and he died alone with his wealth in the hands of his wife. Women and wife beaters regarded this as justice. Men who did not beat their wives called it anything but.

Josiah did not ask to be born with thumbs so thick as to be useless. He did not ask to be the champion of wife beaters or their sworn enemy when the law changed. He just wanted to be a man and follow the family profession. The Ramjamites changed their names and moved away when they realised what they were related to. But in a way the family tradition continues to this day. The children may have adopted new identities but they still had big hands. The size reduced in time but the general tendency was still there. Eventually they produced another thick thumbed man whose history was disarmingly similar. He is called Paul Gascoigne. Josiah lies in Denham unmarked and unremembered. At least we can thank modern technology for sparing Paul Gascoigne from a similar fate.