The Organic Cause And How To Further It

In certain upmarket shops you can find haircare products such as banana and kiwi shampoo. For most of our history we have got along without such things. Now by mixing exotic ingredients people are promising us unimaginable treasures through the wonders of nature. Presumably natural ingredients are more authentic even though the ones we use are not authentically used to make shampoo anywhere.

There will always be debate about these products. Are they genuinely better for you than the chemical based ones we had before or the native natural remedies we used to have? Some people who buy the products swear by them. They would swear in another way if they knew what they are actually intended for. The market they are aimed at is nothing to do with hair at all. But if people want to use them on their hair why not? A buck is a buck whatever form it comes in.

Mankind has long lavished a disproportionate amount of its income on pets. It is not uncommon for a village Post Office to be packed with dog treats with only a tiny counter for human matters. It is the only way the shop can survive. All kinds of pet accessories are readily available and the best way of avoiding obligations to other people without feeling too bad about it is to coddle a pet. But there is a limit. People have begun to grow self-conscious of their pet addiction. Which is where the new shampoo comes in.

Banana and Kiwi Shampoo does exactly what it says on the tin. It is used for shampooing bananas and kiwi fruit. People do this because they have started adopting fruit as pets. Sweet and cuddly fruit certainly is and it is also a clean slate. It has whatever character you say it has and does whatever you make it do. It does not excrete or let you down. Of course you have to keep the fruit very well for it to last long. No problem. Wax it, shampoo it, give it all the care and attention bestowed on live pets. Compete with the neighbours to see how long it will last. Talk to it and stroke it. It has been proven that the once alien practice of talking to plants is actually good for them. Surely the same is true of fruit? It all came from plants. Soon the fruit accessories market will take off in the same way the live pet accessory market has. Why should the Scotch Egg be the only one to get its own coat and playveg?

Fruit make more reliable pets but are rather predictable. Apart fom their tendency to die before you are bored with them they do not do anything spontaneous apart from the occasional roll off. There is much value in having a totally predictable companion but it is not so interesting. Hence the modern attempts to breed new strains of fruit. We are told that this is to develop new varieties more suitable for different climactic conditions. This ignores the fact that most of those who breed them have enough disposable income to buy the highly priced pet fruit. The fruit lasts longer because they inject it with vitamins and preservatives to make it a better pet. When they have observed the reaction of certain chemicals to certain fruit they can inject the ones with less predictable consequences into the fruit of their choice. Having a completely new and unpredictable fruit as a pet would be the ultimate status symbol for any highly paid research scientist.

The craze for live domestic pets lasted a long time. The craze for pet fruit will similarly captivate the world but ultimately come to a natural conclusion. The question is what will happen to the fruit after that. How could we ever go back to eating it? We do not eat cats and dogs here for this reason. Fruit will be left to rot on the trees and something else will replace it as both food and pet. Cannibalism seems popular nowadays what with the deluge of programmes about the lost Uruguayan Rugby Team which ate its dead companions and the press pictures of politicians eating fruitcake. Maybe that is the way to kill two birds with one stone. The way to resolve the crisis of an ageing population will be to start introducing old age pensioners into the diet and then when the numbers are down to manageable levels adopt them as pets. People say this is sick. We used to eat cats and dogs before they became pets. Being used by a nice family as either pet or food is probably preferable to being cast out of work and left to rot on a few pounds a week by the so-called welfare state.

We do not know as much about the pet fruit craze as we should for one simple reason. Pet fruit owners want to remain an exclusive band. They are happy for people to think that banana and kiwi shampoo is intended for human hair. If everyone collects pet fruit their little babies will be worthless. The same argument applies to many other exclusive offers 'not available in shops' which suddenly become available wherever we look. We all have a public duty to bring down such restrictive practices. Next time you see banana and kiwi shampoo ask for a demonstration. When they show you how it works on hair produce a banana or kiwi fruit and make them try it on them. The difference will be clear for all to see. Furthermore you can show your shampooed banana or kiwi fruit to all those in the street around you and tell them the truth. Let us see how many of you have the nerve to stand in the middle of a shopping centre and do this.