In A Name There Is A What

Living in the barren wastes of London you have to look very hard to find some nourishment in your surroundings. History? All around you but no one knows it. It is difficult to appreciate the value of a place when you first have to wade through dusty files held by unknowledgeable people to find out anything about it.

As in most cases however the best way to engage with the history of an area is through its placenames. The so-called Greater London area is redolent with historic names which still convey the meaning of the place to those who see them. Here I present a few which demonstrate to each subsequent generation why the locality exists and how.

One of the more familiar place names in London is Fulham. This is often held to be something to do with a saxon settlement or 'Ham' of someone called Ful. Nothing could be further from the truth. It was in fact the centre of the quality meat trade in London. In medieval times various districts within the old city and in neighbouring areas became famous for their meat markets. They were classified by the meat traders' guilds at various different levels depending on the quality and type of meat they were allowed to sell. Those who were only licensed to sell adulterated meat became 'quarter districts' as their cuts could only contain a quarter of actual meat content. The rest of the cut was a mixture of fat, gristle, blood and bone. Quarter meat traders did not make as much for their product as the traders in quality cuts and therefore lived in little rooms crammed together in communal dwellings. This is where the term 'quarters' comes from. The semi districts were allowed to sell cuts with half meat content and the full districts the rare privilege of cuts consisting entirely of meat. Fulham as the name implies was licenced to sell the best ham. Most of the other full districts are now known by other names not connected with the type of full meat cuts they could sell as other things have happened in those districts which have left them with different names. Fulham has retained its appellation as its reputation as the centre of quality meat lasted longer than that of any other district. It is very sad to remember this when you see what is offered in the shops of Fulham today.

A nearby district to Fulham is Parsons Green. This is not as it appears at first glance the green belonging to a parson. It memorialises a brief anticlerical revolt which took place during the collapse of the Protectorate under Richard Cromwell. During this period the people began to vent their anger on anyone who was seen as a representative of the repressive state which had abolished joy. One such person was the divine Richard Carbunculous of the Church of Saint Etheldreda of Ely on what is now called Eel (Ely) Brook (Broken) Common. He had supported every ordinance of the Cromwellian regime so much that the local congregation left his church in disgust and set up a nonconformist sect with rotating worship leaders instead of clergymen. To finance their revolution they burned down the church and carried off all the plate and stone for resale. Rev. Carbunculous was then captured and tied to a stake whilst the contents of his church and his ransacked house were sold in front of him. After the sales which brought in the unprecedented sum of £258 the money was divided up among the rotating worship leaders. Carbunculous was of course outraged at the demolition of his empire and deeply envious of the wealth of his former parishioners. On seeing his reaction the nonconformists shouted "ha ha - the parson's green!" The revolt ended when a pleasure-loving Mr. Green was appointed as parson as a sop to the populace and the church was rebuilt a few yards away. Nevertheless the district became known throughout the country for its treatment of Rev. Carbunculous and remains his monument to this day.

There are many such stories to tell about London placenames. But perhaps the most important of all concerns the name of London itself. The place has been called something similar to London for as long as anyone knows. This is a pity. Few now remember the ceremony of 1967 when a galaxy of has-been musical stars led by John Leighton and Bobby Vee finally got their wish. Seeing that their kind of music had been swept away by rock and roll they were determined that there should be some lasting memorial of their own contribution to popular music. At the suggestion of Prime Minister Wilson they applied for a town to be named after them or one of their number. Wilson was thinking of one of the new towns then being developed. It was a considerable surprise when the capital city agreed to rename itself. The correct name of London is no longer 'London' but 'London' in memory of skiffle musician Lonnie Donegan who was held in universal regard by his peers. A name as long as Lonnie Donegan would to too confusing for the international business community but the shortened form Lon-Don would like the famous NY-Lon cause no problem. The change has gone unnoticed but the party after the ceremony has not escaped history. It was here that Mick Jagger first met girlfriend number 2,500 who received a commemorative guitar-shaped genital to mark the occasion.

Some of the London placenames have always had obvious meanings. Shacklewell was the place where prisoners were clamped in irons and Barking the home of a lunatic asylum. But why does London not do more to alert people to the true origins of its placenames? Because to do so would mean exposing itself to ridicule. There is one section of the population which would rejoice at the real meaning of Middlesex. To many others however it is highly uncomfortable. That is why Middlesex was the first English county to be abolished. That is why Londoners think the world ends at its supposed boundaries. To be a child of Middlesex parents goes a step beyond inbreeding. To be so insanely insular is the natural consequence of the world pompous Londoners do everything they can to avoid admitting they are uniquely part of.