Why It Is Called Bursting Onto Public Consciousness

In every area of life there are certain figures who are highly regarded by their peers but completely unknown to the general public. The new England football manager Steve McClaren is one of them. In the past two or three years he has come to prominence as an assistant manager with Manchester United and England and as manager of Middlesbrough. For a few years prior to that he was often mentioned as a possible candidate for a high profile role but the press kept having to explain who he was. He had made his reputation behind the scenes without the football watching public knowing he was there.

In the field of contemporary painting the name of Bertrand Physique is highly regarded. No one has ever seen his paintings because they do not yet exist. M. Physique has made his reputation as an artist by work he has done behind the scenes. It is the research which will one day lead to paintings being produced which has gained M. Physique an unshakeable circle of admirers and a rock solid reputation as one of the few real geniuses remaining in the art world.

M. Physique is not a young man. He graduated from the Academy de Folies Intellectuale in Eeklo in Belgium in 1968. His early years in Paris were unsuccessful. Painting in a very traditional style he was out of step with the trends of the time. Very few of his paintings were sold and he gained no critical acclaim. Most people are unaware of this because he was painting under the pseudonym of Eric Van Den Booger. This was actually his real name but was given to him as a pseudonym to disguise the family name of Von Hitler. After a while Bertrand lost faith in himself and his work. Declaring himself to be Bertrand Physique despite his instinctive Fleming abhorrence of all things French he collected the few sold paintings and burnt them with the rest of his canvasses. From henceforth he would abandon art. It did not quite work out that way as he became a highly paid fast food designer employed by both MacDonalds and Burger King as an advisor. But there would be no more paintings from Physique. At least that is what he and the rest of the world thought.

Bertrand thought he had simply lost faith in art. As time went by he began to realise he had developed a serious physical reaction to it. He fainted whenever he smelt canvas or paint. He would cringe at the very mention of painting. As a highly paid food designer he would make social contact with other leading creative figures but refused to greet or shake hands with any painter. Bertrand never felt he had a problem as the general course of his life was unaffected. Finally an existentialist friend referred him to a virtual psychiatrist who just thought mental illness existed. This psychiatrist identified his problem. The apparent fear and loathing of painting were the opposite. Bertrand had got too involved with his art in his younger days. He was revolted by paint on canvas because he had begun seeing the paintings from the point of view of the paint and canvas and brushes. He was sickened by the manipulation and violence artists used to haul paint from its home and thrash it onto the unwilling cotton or linen. He was tormented by the destructive rubbings of the brush on rough canvas and its suffocation by glutinous paint. His sympathies were the opposite of those of every other person and could have serious consequences if left untreated.

M. Physique was so wealthy and successful that no doctor dared tell him anything for very long. This is the traditional double standard of mental health. But he pondered on the problem himself. He did not want to become violently misanthropic or dangerous. He decided that devoting himself to correcting the injustices he perceived was the only way forward. From now on he would return to painting. But he would not do it in the way he so despised. He would do everything he could to ascertain the point of view of the materials and then empower them to construct the paintings they wanted to express what they wanted. No longer would they be made to serve human vision. For the first time in history the materials would be enabled to say what they wanted to say and a whole new area of expression would be opened up for humans to learn from.

That is what Bertrand Physique has been doing for the last twenty nine years. He has not produced a single painting. He has exhaustively interviewed every possible shade of colour and every model of brush and canvas to understand how they view the act of painting and the world in general. His transcriptions of these interviews make fascinating reading. They are not of course written in human language as the materials respond in ways different to what we traditionally understand by language. Nevertheless they reveal an ellipticality and depth of expression incomprehensible to mere humans. When the paintings come to be made they will be earth shattering. As it is the interviews themselves and their transcriptions are both performance art and conceptual art on a grand scale and a unique intertwining of the two.

Despite his success Physique is hated in many quarters. All artists like to think they are new and original. In most cases they are nothing of the sort but are not educated enough to know other examples of what they are doing. Physique genuinely is original and has taken painting beyond its last word. By ignoring what humans say and replacing it with what art materials have to say he has surpassed all possible human originality or achievement. So many have abandoned their easels in protest or tried to stone Bertrand to death. He remains unmoved. Like Walter Lindrum in billiards he is so good he has destroyed what he loves. His admirers have good reason to cling to him. One day the general public might also recognise the genius of Physique and see the pretentious arbiters of taste for what they are. The consequence? He will destroy them too. Hitch yourself to a star before that star burns a hole in your heart.