Birmingham Strikes Back

It’s great being a Brummie exiled in London. Everywhere you go you are reminded of the natural superiority of the Brummie to the ignorant Londoner. You soon come to realise that your purpose in living in London is to show Londoners what they need to do to become part of the civilised world.

Londoners think they live in a big city. Poppycock. The City of London has hardly anyone living in it and the City of Westminster is too crowded for anyone to want to live in it. The rest of the so-called London is a collection of boroughs. Each one of these is a completely independent unitary authority with the same status as a county. Do we claim Worcestershire or Leicestershire as part of Birmingham? Ours is by far the biggest city in England and has one city centre. Greater London is a lot of villages strung together which developed separately because they did not want to be together. Apart from the ancient Borough of Sutton Coldfield I don’t recall any mass protests from the outlying suburbs of Birmingham at being joined together as part of our great city. Londoners are so ashamed of themselves they have to form separate authorities to hide themselves away. They are then so ashamed at being ashamed that they pretend to be part of London.

Londoners think the world begins and ends at the M25. All the ‘national news’ on the local stations is about London. Apparently the M25 is surrounded by a stone age forest called “The Country” which is put there for them to enjoy and for no other reason. They think every place they have heard of in The Country is a little settlement of around 200 people. They simply cannot understand great industrial cities. They think their jobs and food come from some mystical golden cloud rather than being created by the drive and labour of Brummies. Name me one London job that would be there if the industrial fathers of Birmingham had not created its industry and its tools? No I thought you couldn’t.

Londoners go on about their tube system. Even in Birmingham you can hardly buy a diary or atlas without a map of the London Underground on it. What they will never admit is why they need an underground railway. In Birmingham we can get around by bus and car and train and see where we are going. In London you cannot rely on buses to get anywhere within the stated time and you can forget about trying to drive cars. Trains are for those who can stand in six inches of space twice a day. The underground is only there because you cannot travel in London above ground and would not want to see the place anyway. Walk? They think you are mad. With all the pollution you need a face mask to go the shop round the corner. In Birmingham most of us have never even seen one and have no reason to hide our faces anyway.

There is a reason Birmingham is right in the middle of England. It holds the country together by allowing its natural quality to radiate outwards to all parts equally. Where is London? Stuck down south on its ugly grey river in a different world entirely to the north and midlands. Once it needed the river for trade. Strange how the superior Brummies never needed one. London could never have existed without the Thames and has no reason to exist now the Thames is no longer the heart of its trade. We always did better than any other place on earth without decent sized river or sea. The way to improve the country is to move the capital to Birmingham at the earliest opportunity.

I could go on forever. But there is one more thing which must be said. London like Birmingham has inhabitants who originate from every corner of the globe. Exactly as it should be if the place is worth bothering with. Talk to a Londoner whose ancestors come from Asia or Africa and you can tell their origins as soon as they open their mouth. Do it in Birmingham and the same people speak with a broad Birmingham accent. Why? Because the Brummie gene is dominant. Londoners all talk about back home. In our great city everyone is first and foremost a Brummie no matter where they came from. Why should they be? Come to London and see what they might otherwise have ended up as.